Meal Time with Johnny and Molly Part 3

The city park playground was beginning to score “boredom” on Johnny and Molly’s grading scale of “hilariously fun things to do”, so the moms decide on a change of scenery and plan to meet at the soccer field walking trail. Johnny and Molly can’t wait for all the fun they are about to have with their big wheels!

I may be having a retro moment here! They do still make those, right?  A world without big wheels?  Surely not! =)

On the ride to the soccer field Molly’s mom is feeling the pain of her failure to correct Molly’s behavior at meal time the previous week, “What went wrong?” she wonders. Deep down she really knows the answer to this question, but the pain of going there is more than she is willing to do at the moment. By the time she arrives at her destination she has put the blame on several things, anything but herself.

With Molly and Johnny racing and making big circles around their moms as they walk, Johnny’s mom raps up concluding remarks to her friend’s question. “It took just three days of me consistently working my plan and Johnny’s behavior at the table has made a drastic change! Breakfast, lunch and dinner are so pleasant now and I actually look forward to the time I have to chat with him.” (The rest of her story is in part 2 of this series.)

Molly’s mom is feeling about 2 centimeters tall but knows the love and support of her long-time friend and opens up about her week with Molly. Feeling the pain of her friend’s failure to train Molly towards better behavior and character during meal time, Johnny’s mom offers reassuring and encouraging words.

“I learned something about myself this week.”, Johnny’s mom begins. “Correcting Johnny’s behavior is really more about correcting my behavior and even more than that, it is about me coming face to face with what I really believe about my role as his mother.” She continues, ” The man that Johnny will become one day, is depending on me to shape his character. It would be easy for me to be overwhelmed by this, but when I keep in mind the man of character I want Johnny to grow into, it helps me to keep the mundane stuff of life in perspective and see each activity as an opportunity to get him one step closer.

“That is so true.” Molly’s mom agrees. “I need to keep the big picture in mind, and quit letting my feelings hinder me from doing what is best for Molly.” She pauses for a moment, and then confesses,  “I did that a lot this week.  I know when I give in to my feelings I am actually being selfish.” “I know how that is….I’ve done it myself, plenty of times.”  Johnny’s mom asserts.  I’m am realizing now, though, that to give in to my feelings does two things.  It only prolongs or defeats the goal of training Johnny and lessens his respect of me.” she added.

Now using their big wheels like scooters, Johnny and Molly race past their moms. The sound of a big wheel crash and Johnny’s whaling abruptly interrupts the mom’s conversation. Johnny’s mom carefully examines the situation. No blood, no bruises or scrapes. “Where does it hurt?” She questions. She massages the area and gives him a warm hug while Johnny continues to overreact. Lovingly and firmly, mom instructs Johnny to look at her. “That’s enough, Johnny. You are not badly hurt. Stop crying.” With mom no longer touching him, Johnny is forced to be brave and make a decision to ignore his pain and continue to play. Mom is determined to teach Johnny to bear his own pain and not overreact with overdone syrupy affection and make a wimp out of her son.

Getting back to their train of thought, Molly’s mom finishes unloading everything about the week to her friend and they collaborate about each detail. It is liberating to admit her failures and take ownership of the blame. She admits her lack of consistency, “I gave in a couple of times and let Molly have some of her Halloween candy when she didn’t finish her lunch.” She admits to giving in to her feelings, “Molly whined and pitched a fit about what I fixed for lunch one day. All I could think of is how I feel when I don’t have what I want to eat. I don’t like it either! So I gave in and fixed her mac n cheese.”

The honesty, full disclosure and teachable spirits of these ladies make them both stronger.  They agree to call during the week to keep each other accountable.

Packing up and heading home, Molly’s mom remembers her friends words, “All of the mundane things we do for our kids, whether it’s bathing them, feeding them, reading to them, putting them to bed at night, are all training grounds for good character. We have to look past the task at hand and see it for the opportunity it is.”